World Feels Fine Making Fun Of Man Diagnosed With HIV


LOS ANGELES — After reading on websites such as TMZ and USA Today that a human being had been diagnosed with HIV and tested positive for the illness, everyone in the world reportedly felt completely fine making fun of the man.

“Oh yeah, I heard that he was HIV-positive,” said Grayling, Mich. resident and librarian Tabitha Packard. “That’s so funny! I mean I guess that’s what he gets for leading the kind of life he did, right?” Packard then laughed out loud upon reading a witty opinion post about the man from her favorite website.

HIV, or the human immunodeficiency virus, can lead to infection and acquired immunodeficiency syndrome, more commonly known as AIDS. HIV nearly always results in a lowered white blood cell count, and leaves the body progressively more susceptible to opportunistic infections.

“That’s hilarious,” said Brisbane, Australia resident Danny Martin upon hearing the news. “Can you think of anything more fitting for him?” the father of three added.

While those testing positive for HIV have in recent years have been able to fight the disease more than those diagnosed in the early years of the epidemic, the mortality rate for those diagnosed with HIV remains at around 2.32%, and it is common for the afflicted to pass away within fifteen years of acquiring it. Following the official release of the news this morning, it was found that the complete population of the world, 100% of 7.3 billion people, had no regrets about laughing at the man diagnosed with the likely-fatal disease.

According to a poll run by the Gallup Corporation, upon hearing the announcement 43% of the world made a joke about the man, 39% immediately thought of something to post on Facebook about the man, and 17.99999999% gave a wry chuckle. The last .00000001%, the man himself, reacted by saying “Hey, I know, fuck me right?”

Quinn Formel won’t pretend like he didn’t make some awful jokes too.

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