Woman Not Thrilled To Be Compared To A Brick House


HARRISVILLE, N.H. — Local woman Molly Belzer is reportedly less than thrilled to be compared to a brick house and her relationship is now on the rocks, perhaps beyond repair this time, because of it.

“My boyfriend won’t stop comparing me to a brick house, believing it to be a positive thing,” said Belzer, 26. “I’m nothing like a brick house, and I am definitely not ‘letting it all hang out.'”

However, Belzer’s boyfriend Mark Ingram, 28, insisted his intentions were good.

“She’s ‘mighty, mighty’ as far as I’m concerned,” Ingram said. “And I don’t think The Commodores, the greatest soul and funk band of our generation or any generation, could possibly express something about a woman that could be interpreted as negative.”

“The Commodores are a disgusting band and I’m sick of listening to their Christmas album every winter,” said Belzer. “I’m glad Lionel Richie left the band when he did. I still like Lionel Richie.”

“Lionel Richie is a traitor,” said Ingram.

Reports confirm that Belzer is referred to as “[a] brick house” almost daily, and is also metaphorically referenced as other Commodores songs by her boyfriend as well.

“I’m not like the brick house they’re referring to in the song, nor any brick house I’ve ever seen,” said Belzer. “Unlike real houses, people don’t live inside of me. Unlike the song, my measurements are not 36-24-36. And I am not ‘built like the Amazon.’ I don’t even know what that means. I don’t think The Commodores even know what that means.”

“The lady’s stacked and that’s a fact,” said Ingram.

Belzer is willing to make the relationship work, and even see a couples therapist, but she’s not sure if Ingram can change his ways.

“He’s also got to stop saying I’m ‘three times a lady.’ That sounds terrible out of context.”

Tyler Snodgrass‘ favorite Commodores song is “Too Hot Ta Trot.”

Image by Flickr.