Whoa! Kim Kardashian Just Broke The Internet With Her Coordinated Cyberattack On Its Underlying Architecture


Yas queen! Kim Kardashian just broke the internet again with her EPIC campaign of cyberterrorism that has dismantled the underlying transfer protocols that allow it to function! This sexy diva definitely plays by her own rules!

After “breaking the internet” in 2014 with her jaw-dropping nude portrait for Paper Magazine, Kim has done it again, this time by jacking into the deep net and leading a coordinated assault of elite hackers dismantling the web’s essential structure while infiltration specialists simultaneously detonated a series of custom Kardashian-made EMP devices in crucial server farms in Chicago and Sweden. Whoa! Talk about red-hot!

“What Kim has done is unprecedented,” said Sir Tim Berners-Lee, a man considered one of the major architects of the internet. “She’s a social media megastar whose Instagrams own the internet, and she’s really broken the whole thing this time!”

“For real, it’s ruined, the economy is doomed,” Berners-Lee added.

Kardashian’s shocking cyberattack has proved as controversial as her usual online antics, drawing praise and criticism in equal measure.

“OMG, yasssssssss!! Kim’s a badass feminist icon who does whatever she damn well wants! Flawless!!” said Kim fan Stacy Kessler as she typed it into Facebook before repeatedly attempting to post to the non-functioning site.

However, some haters look less favorably on the reality star’s latest viral sensation.

“Her viruses have torn down the most important tools in the world, gutting dozens of industries and ruining millions of lives in one stroke,” said avid internet user Chad Mann. “Also, she’s a total whore and when she takes pictures of her boobs I get so mad. I don’t understand why and I am scared.”

Careful monitoring of Kim’s social media accounts has not led to any public statements about the attack, though that may have been because all internet access has been completely disabled and no website can update.

Though her incredible internet-breaking hack has utterly dismantled the banking and financial sectors and led to a bloody orgy of worldwide chaos, there are some notable upsides. According to those close to the situation, Kim’s husband Kanye West has not noticed that his tweets are no longer posting.

Tom Harrison once broke the internet by tripping over the cable.

Image by Kim Kardashian.