White Guy Just Gonna Grow His Hair Out Until This Whole Nazi Thing Blows Over | The Whiskey Journal

White Guy Just Gonna Grow His Hair Out Until This Whole Nazi Thing Blows Over

White Guy Just Gonna Grow His Hair Out Until This Whole Nazi Thing Blows Over

CHICAGO — Local white guy and self-proclaimed good person Jake Nelson has decided to just grow his hair out for a few months and wait for this whole Nazi thing to blow over.

“Before the alt-right ruined this haircut, I normally got a trim once every three or four weeks,” Nelson said while trying on different hats. “So, as bad as Nazis are, I am saving a ton of money on haircuts.”

According to Nelson’s barber Dan Cooper, he has been sporting some variation of the high-and-tight look that is now adopted by the alt-right for around three years.

“A lot of people might think neo-Nazis and the alt-right don’t really have a negative effect on normal white people’s lives,” said Cooper. “But I dare you to say one of the thousands of young men affected by the alt-right ruining the best haircut white men have ever had.”

At press time, Nelson and a group of other white men devastated about having to change their haircut began to gather outside a local barber shop in protest, only to quickly disband the protest after being mistaken for neo-Nazis.

Kyle Scanlan is just gonna wear a hat.

Image by pixabay.
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan grew up in rural southern Illinois and has the vocabulary to prove it. Now he lives in the big fancy city of Chicago, because he tells jokes there. When not telling jokes, he’s usually drunkenly yelling at his television during NBA games. He is a contributor, editor and creator of The Whiskey Journal. He’s not excited about the future.
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan
Kyle Scanlan grew up in rural southern Illinois and has the vocabulary to prove it. Now he lives in the big fancy city of Chicago, because he tells jokes there. When not telling jokes, he’s usually drunkenly yelling at his television during NBA games. He is a contributor, editor and creator of The Whiskey Journal. He’s not excited about the future.