STDs are like volcanoes. Scary as shit, but mostly dormant. However, that doesn’t mean one poor choice in the KDR basement can’t encapsulate you as a person. So we at the Shirley’s Temple laboratories have spent half hours evaluating what your genital ailment says about your personality. Symptomatic or not, if you can’t turn excruciating urination into an opportunity for narcissism then the penicillin probably isn’t working.
Herpes—You’re a go-getter, always itching to be at the center of the action. And even when that action is high-risk and impulse-based, you don’t let a few bumps along the way interfere with your evening. Basically, you’re a fun-time gal.
Chlamydia—Some people may see you as average, but you know your self-worth. The people you are most intimate with see it too and they are always burning to be with you. Basically, you’re a fun-time gal.
Syphilis—Your look may be trendy, but you’re an old soul. It may take awhile for a guy to notice you, but once he does you drive him crazy and he can’t ever let you go. Basically, you’re a fun-time gal.
Crabs—You have thousands of friends and each of them sees you as the most hospitable person they know. Caring and selfless, you’ll endure even the slightest discomfort to make sure everyone around you is comfortable. Basically, you’re a fun-time gal.
AIDS—You may be the girl that always has a cocktail in her hand, but you keep things low-key. You let things simmer, sometimes for years until the heat can’t be ignored any longer, before going full-boil. Basically, you’re a fun-time (not to mention SKINNY!) gal.
Erin Zimmerman wrote this article for your entertainment. However, the research still haunts her so you better be fucking appreciative.
Photo courtesy of flickr