Weather Channel Producer Rock Hard From All This

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ATLANTA — With the onslaught of recent storm activity in the Caribbean and the Gulf, executive daytime producer at the Weather Channel Dan Maplethorpe has been furiously working around the clock and is also rock hard from it all.

“Honestly, this is something I’ve only dreamed of,” Maplethorpe said grinning from ear to ear.

“Okay, switch to camera four and go in tight, I mean real tight on that shit,” Maplethorpe instructed to his production staff early on Friday morning. “Aw yeah, right there. That’s it.”

As footage of the destruction from Hurricane Harvey and the damage generated overnight by approaching Hurricane Irma played on a loop, Maplethorpe took a long, slow drag on a cigarette in the darkened production booth.

“I mean, my thoughts are obviously with the victims and everything but look at the 400-mile wide storm cell there and tell me if you’ve seen anything sexier,” the veteran TV man said. “It’s so fucking hot.”

While Maplethorpe’s colleagues and direct reports are dedicated to disseminating helpful weather information, not all share his extreme passion specifically for hurricanes and their destructive potential. “We’ve learned when Dan is alone in the booth and there’s a storm going on it’s best to just leave him alone until he comes out,” said assistant producer Ellen Schmit. “Or you better knock really loud.”

With Irma expected to make landfall in south Florida over the weekend the entire 17-person production crew has kicked into high gear and is prepared for a long, wet marathon of looped footage of broken palm trees and soaking-wet collapsed buildings.

“Please, if you are in the path of any of these storms get to safety and then once you are there please turn on the Weather Channel and watch this filthy primo shit,” Maplethorpe added.

Cole Moser reminds you to stay hydrated and take plenty of breaks when watching The Weather Channel this weekend.

Image by CNN.