WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to multiple sources, voters at numerous polling places across the country have reported hearing an unseen voice apparently coming from a darker, sub-realm ask them “C’mon, don’t you want to know what it would be like?” while inside the voting booth.
A spokesman for the Federal Election Commission has confirmed reports of thousands of voters hearing an unmistakably sinister voice speak to them while inside the booth as they prepared to make their selection for President of the United States.
Voters from nearly every area of the country, including traditionally blue states in the Northeast, have contacted election officials about the voice, which is said to be barely audible and disturbing yet strangely familiar.
“I consider myself a very educated, pragmatic voter,” said Boston resident Kelsey Tovach, “but I admit I really thought about it when that voice whispered “Kelllllsssssey, if you don’t, you’ll always wonderrrrr.'”
“The voice told me there is only one way to know if I’m strong enough to survive The Fires,” said Iowa voter Paul McKinney. “Now, I don’t know what The Fires are but I was intrigued.”
Most have also reported the voice telling them how fun the whole thing would probably be, at least for a little while.
“Best we can figure it’s a manifestation of the collective American morbid curiosity to see how closely we can peer into the abyss,” said FEC chairman Matthew Petersen. “I wouldn’t believe it except I heard the cursed thing myself when I voted.”
The Commission advises all voters to do their best to ignore the voice, no matter how enticing it sounds or what promises it makes to you regarding your place at the High Table upon The Ceasing of All. It’s just a disembodied voice and it will probably go away.
Cole Moser confirms it’s the same voice he hears when he drives on country roads late at night.
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