Valentine’s Day Just A Manufactured, Corporate Holiday Says Broke Couple Who Hates Each Other


ST. LOUIS — According to sources at a Benton Park tavern, local couple Sean Huffman and Lauren Ayala firmly stated that Valentine’s Day is just a manufactured holiday created by a handful of cynical corporations to make money off the idiot masses. The couple is also broke and secretly hates one another.

“This holiday exists for no other reason than for these companies to make money off flowers, cards, chocolates and whatever the media tells us we have to buy to prove you love your significant other,” said Huffman, 31, who is in a real bad spot financially and also no longer in love with his girlfriend.

“Exactly,” said Ayala, 28, who wishes one of them had the balls to end it.

Though definitely not caving to Valentine’s Day pressure, the couple of three years did begrudgingly leave their apartment to grab something cheap at a local dive bar.

“Maybe we should just split the tater tots,” Huffman told Ayala, who is currently in between jobs and not really looking either.

“I feel like our relationship is more than one stupid day a year where society dictates we go out and have an expensive dinner,” said Huffman, who is desperately hoping to find someone new to love by next Christmas.

“I’m just sick of these fake holidays getting blown out of proportion,” added Ayala, who is looking forward to getting drunk and making out with a stranger on St. Patrick’s Day.

Cole Moser thinks your sudden contempt for Hallmark is very convenient.

Image by seanmasn.