CHICAGO – The catch-all pop culture review site The A.V. Club announced today that they plan to add reviews of casual human conversation alongside their already exhaustive analyses of music, movies, books, video games and podcasts to their website, starting in 2015.
“It has always been our goal to squeeze out every last drop of guileless joy from anything remotely resembling entertainment with our overly analytical exposés,” said the site’s head media consultant Ryan Padgett, who regularly brings up the fact that he believes Summerteeth is a better album than Yankee Hotel Foxtrot to impress interns. “And the logical next step for us is to begin an in-depth criticism of unassuming people just interacting in everyday life.”
Doug Hawthorne, an A.V. Club senior editor and adult human constantly draping large headphones across his neck for entire conversations with other adult humans, came up with the idea while he was waiting in line at a coffee shop.
“I was just standing there considering the eye-rolling predictability of an indie coffee shop playing Yo La Tengo and Belle and Sebastian back to back when I started paying attention to a conversation between two guys sitting at a nearby table,” said the 36-year-old man who is very similar to Chuck Klosterman but probably dislikes him for the social cachet of doing so. “They were talking about whether or not some girl named Gabby was at some Halloween party and it just hit me, ‘Wow this is a real C- of a discussion.’ It felt like it was trying for a rambling, inconsequential aesthetic—like a My Dinner with Andre kind of vibe—but they didn’t quite nail it. That’s when I knew we had something.”
In those moments Hawthorne typed into his phone a protracted review of highly minute scrutiny that would become the template of criticism for what he calls “improvised spoken dialogue.”
“If you think about it, shouldn’t everything be ridiculed and debated as if it was high culture?” asked Hawthorne. “Shouldn’t an episode of ‘Never Not Funny’ be as dissected as Kierkegaard’s Either/Or? And therefore shouldn’t all human experience be parsed for imperfections to the point of begrudging appreciation over genuine enjoyment? Who could possibly relish life without constant and myopic updates to the cannon of informed cultural taste? Such a world would be a veritable wasteland wherein people had to just like things and make up their own minds about immediate stimuli, which is to say a nightmare.”
When asked about plans regarding future additions to the website’s ever-growing critical purview, Hawthorne seemed optimistic about the potential for the expansion of meta-commentary.
“I don’t want to give too much away, but I will say that one of the additions you can expect to see added to the site in the next few months are new, critical reviews of past A.V. Club critical reviews,” said the writer. “I shouldn’t spoil too much, but look for a lot of B minuses.”
At press time, the A.V. Club Editor-In-Chief could not be reached, as he was busy eating the original copy of M.C. Escher’s “Drawing Hands.”
Joshua Murphy earnestly believes that Katy Perry has more quality songs than 98% of all punk bands that have ever existed.
Image by zenjazzygeek.