Unemployed Cousin Demoted To Kid’s Table

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CARMEL, Ind. — Local unemployed man Chase Dobbs was sent down to the Kid’s Table for this year’s Dobbs family Thanksgiving, his first time back at the second-tier table since his promotion to the Adult’s Table after Uncle Terry’s death five years ago.

Dobbs’ reassignment was necessitated by the recent addition to the Adult’s Table of Terrance Sanderson, the lantern-jawed firefighter that married cousin Angie in April. The speculation is that Dobbs, 30, who was only sitting on the extra stool anyway, was chosen as odd adult out due to his inability to find a job after the closing of the Radio Shack that had begrudgingly employed him since 2011.

Caroline Dobbs, Chase’s grandmother and acting family matriarch, stated publicly that the move was made because Dobbs “relates so well with the youngsters.” However, Caroline was also heard privately commenting to Aunt Cindy during the dessert course that he was “really struggling to find himself right now” and that he “needs to just take whatever comes along, even if it isn’t his dream job.”

Despite his having to sit cross-legged on the floor in order to fit at the plastic Fisher-Price table, Dobbs actually ended up enjoying the dinner with his younger relatives. Conversation at the Kid’s Table ranged from what foods you should put gravy on to which family pet was the ugliest*, whereas the adults probably would have just kept pestering him about places they’ve seen “Help Wanted” signs and asking if he still kept in touch with that Jenny girl.

David Sharp is Senior Writer for The Whiskey Journal and Second-String Relish Tray Arranger for all Sharp family functions.

*Results were divided as to weather gravy should be put on both mashed potatoes and turkey or just on mashed potatoes, however it was unanimous that Aunt Jane’s pug Chester was the family’s ugliest pet.

Photo courtesy of Kevin McShane