NEW YORK CITY — With just over a month before Inauguration Day, President-Elect Donald Trump has been making news with his recent cabinet picks. No stranger to controversy, Trump has now shocked many by announcing Monday he’s begun the search for his second-term First Lady.
Sources close to Trump reported that he was scheduled today to attend an intelligence briefing, but, when he was reminded of this he shouted, “Can’t go! Today I have to pick a new wife for four years from now. Send Pence instead.”
While his team at Trump Tower scrambled to fly Vice President-Elect Mike Pence to the day’s scheduled briefing, Trump asked his Senior Advisor, Kellyanne Conway, to help him Google “European Women Who Are Tens.”
“I’m thinking about maybe a Russian next time,” Trump said, “but I’m open to other foreign models.”
“For his second term, and maybe for a few terms after that if everything goes well, he’d like to have a newer, fresher wife,” said Conway. “Melania is great now, sure, but Donald wants someone he can grow old with.” Melania Trump, who at 46 years old will soon be aging out of her current role, could not be reached for comment, but suggested reaching out to her daughter-in-law, Ivanka Trump, who will be fulfilling many of the duties of First Lady during Trump’s term.
Though there are no women are being named publicly yet, sources confirm that the next woman to be appointed First Lady will, just like most of Trump’s other appointments, despise the mission of the job she holds.
Tyler Snodgrass wouldn’t be surprised if all of this came true, honestly.
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