Tragically Clumsy Man Shoots Self In Foot Placed In Mouth


COLUMBUS, Ohio — After making one foolish remark, then uttering another ill-advised quip, a local man shot himself in a foot placed in his mouth, sources have reported.

The tragedy began when Steve Billings placed his foot in his mouth with a poorly timed remark about a passerby.

“I was with some friends, and referred to a passing woman as ‘pretty hot for a Latina,’” said Billings, struggling to talk through his facial wound. “I just meant to say she was hot.”

After placing his foot in his mouth, Billings compounded the error by telling his visibly offended friends, “you know, it’s just that she probably can’t afford great cosmetics.”

“It was a pretty grisly scene,” said Tonya Sand, a friend who witnessed Billings’ accident. “It’s one thing to put your foot in your mouth. It’s quite another to then shoot that foot.”

Sources warn that wordplay-related firearm accidents are on the rise, with at least one taking place in Des Moines, Iowa this week.

“If you’re going to participate in firearm wordplay, you better play it safe,” said local writer John Clark. “These types of jokes of could backfire, especially if they’re aimed at the wrong target audience.”

John Clark doesn’t quite get it.

Image by Greg Grossmeier.