Here are the top five times I saw the movie Face/Off (John Woo, 1997) on TV this year:
1. I caught the very end of Face/Off on TNT at around like 9:45 p.m., so I saw the speedboat chase finale (so good!!), and also the part where the speedboat explodes and so John Travolta and Nicolas Cage (playing EACH OTHER’S CHARACTERS) get tossed to the beach and then Castor Troy (John Travolta) tries to cut up his own face to ruin Sean Archer’s (originally John Travolta) life. It doesn’t though (spoiler) and then Sean Archer’s family rubs each other’s faces, which is kinda weird but I still cried.
2. It was around 7:30 p.m. on a Sunday and my girlfriend and I were having dinner at my apartment and it was right when Castor Troy (Nicolas Cage) is boarding that awesome jet he steals and he says “I could eat a peach for hours” to that lady. Anyway, I kept saying it to my girlfriend throughout the remaining two hours of the movie and we did not have sex that night.
3. It was right after my dog died (RIP Bark Wahlberg) and I turned on the TV and BAM there’s Face/Off, right in the middle of the prison scene with all the magnetic boots, and Sean Archer (Nicolas Cage, who has stolen Nicolas Cage’s character’s face!) is up to his Oscar-winning neck in trouble. It was pretty much the only thing that could make me feel better at that time.
4. I was in a real hurry, I had just got home from buying Face/Off on DVD and had to run to work, but I turned on the TV and whoopsie looky there, Face/Off is on, and I couldn’t not watch it for a couple minutes. It was right when Castor Troy (John Travolta pretending to be Sean Archer) is hanging out with Sean Archer’s daughter and he says, “Papa’s got a brand new bag.” I lost my shit, man. It’s such a good line. My boss did not like Face/Off as an excuse for being late.
5. That time I saw it at 10 p.m. on TNT after I watched the end of it because they were playing a fucking DOUBLE FEATURE ENCORE! I just sat there and watched the whole thing and forgot to do my taxes or eat. Best day of my life.
Tyler Snodgrass has seen Face/Off more than he’s seen any other movie.
Image by Tyler Snodgrass.