Things Finally Go Right For Billionaire Heiress

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — After enduring what to her must have seemed like decades of persecution and uncertainty, finally there is some good news for billionaire heiress Betsy DeVos.

Though it looked for a short time like she might not get the thing she wanted, in the end, she got the thing. Earlier this morning Vice President Mike Pence was called upon to break a 50-50 tie and confirm DeVos as the new Secretary of Education under Donald Trump. DeVos, who has never attended public school on account of her father being a wealthy industrialist, will be charged with advising President Trump on policies related to education in The United States.

After facing a rough couple weeks of public outcry, contentious confirmation hearings, and the announcement that Republican Sens. Lisa Murkowski of Alaska and Susan Collins of Maine would join their Democratic colleagues in voting against DeVos, her confirmation was far from certain. Luckily for DeVos, a woman who’s worth more money than you will make in 500,000 years, things finally started to look up when the remaining 48 Republicans voted to confirm her on the Senate floor today.

DeVos, a strong proponent of charter schools and school choice, will draw upon her vast experience of never having gone without in her effort to remake the nation’s public school system one in which all Americans are able to avoid by using vast family fortunes to send their kids to private religious institutions.

The White House assured the country that although education does have its problems, it is now in the competent, wealthy hands of someone who has never had one.

Adam Sokol is a hundredaire living in New York.

Image by Tom Williams/CQ-Roll Call.