BAGHLAN, Afghanistan — A terrorist cell operating out of a remote city in northern Afghanistan claimed responsibility for a recent attack on America’s Wikipedia entry.
“We have turned the infidels’ ability to instantly edit content against them,” said a speaker for the group in a video sent to news outlets worldwide.
Moderators on the popular reference site confirmed that damage from the attack had reached the entire entry, from the opening synopsis to the geography section. The group’s hackers paid particular attention to editing the military and pop culture sections, therein detailing American imperialism in the Middle East and a condemning what they called “a hedonistic, arrogant populace.” Oddly enough, all changes made by the ill-intentioned editors were neatly cited with information from multiple academic journals.
“They actually made some good points,” said one Wikipedia employee. “Maybe we shouldn’t take this down.”
Many American Wikipedia users were outraged by the accurate critique of American foreign policy and cultural values. The true cost of the attack revealed itself, however, when a team of Secret Service programmers made a final sweep of the article for security.
“We had no idea until now that they had redirected every single hyperlink to a clip of Larry King laughing,” said one agent.
Fear of another act of cyberterrorism has peaked and many members of Congress are calling for an increase of security measures on the “United States of America” Wikipedia entry. One proposed measure requires users who want to visit the page to strip to their undergarments on webcam.
“Make no mistake, this is about securing the safety of Americans online and not at all about your privacy,” said Mitch McConnell (R-KY).
Patrick Reilly, the free encyclopedia that anybody can edit.
Image from Wikipedia.