10 Habits Of Happy People Who Are Annoying As Fuck

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Are you finally ready to grab your life by the collar and transform it into the beaming, Pharell-bumping televangelist you’ve always known it could be? Do you ever wonder how some people seem to radiate kale and low cholesterol levels, while you radiate whiskey and impending diabetes? The good news is, with some small changes you are fully capable of joining the ranks of happy people with disconcerting energy levels!

 
1. They Surround Themselves With Other Self-Proclaimed Gypsies, Adventurers, And Lovers Of Food

Who you surround yourself with permeates the air you breathe and the attitude you carry. Make a concerted effort to only surround yourself with other Happy People, Gypsies, Free Spirits, Lovers, Spiritual Explorers, Wine Enthusiasts, Cat YouTubers, Chocolate Addicts, Freelancers, Pictures of Sunsets, Emoticons, and Slices Of Cake Dressed As Ted Talk Guests!

 
2. They Seize Every Day As An Opportunity To Talk About Their Superincumbent Health Choices

Casual mention of juicing habits is standard, but you won’t feel your life truly transform until you’re spreading the food gospel to everyone in your social networks.  A foot injury or a potentially terminal disease? Should have drank more pineapples! Does someone hate their body? They should really look into jogging!

 
3. They Tip Servers With Kindness And Love

You are what you eat. You are the feelings of what you eat as well! Why would you accept a sandwich from a negative Nancy? Make eye contact with your servers, let them know they are lucky to share in the collective experience of food preparation, and demand the joy from the experience you both deserve! Tip in love and compliments, not cash!

 
4. They Leave Their Comfort Zone To Invade Yours

Truly fulfilled people know that growth lies in risk, not complacency. Get out of your small world! Invite yourself into a new person’s life and camp out in their living space! Get out on that big wide road, and make your lack of planning the responsibility of strangers! Embrace the unknown facets of life on the backs of others!

 
5. Live, Laugh, Love, LOL, Run Lola Run

LMAO.

 
6. They Look On The Bright Side Of Your Personal Pain

Did your coworker’s dad just pass away? Is your roommate going through a break up? Now is the best time to share your epiphany that smiling is contagious. True happiness is a gift not to be hoarded, so sprinkle your nuggets of wisdom on the grieving and frustrated all around you. Interrupt them from polluting the air with their burdensome personal experiences!

 
7. They Display Appreciation Of Nature Through Lively Jumps In Fields

Truly happy people not only know the importance of freedom of movement and expression, but they also have unrestricted access to an array of lush fields.

 
8. They Express Philosophical Beliefs Through Bathroom Graffiti

Happiness is a daily choice that flows through the porous enclaves of the soul!

 
9. They Embrace Teachable Moments Through Pet-Themed Metaphors

Are you unemployed and looking for work to no avail? That’s kind of like the time my cat couldn’t figure out his new toy, and he fell asleep in his food bowl everyday for a month. Just keep trying, and you’ll get that nip nip!

 
10. They Express Gratitude Through Pictures With Arms Extended Towards The Sky

Hug the stars, you gorgeous corporeal beast, you!
 

Bronwyn Isaac is doing TOTALLY AWESOME AND FINE, thanks for asking.

Image by Pink Sherbet Photography.

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Bronwyn Ariel Isaac is a retired bridge troll who currently resides in laundromats all over Chicago (primarily Pilsen/Little Village). She attended The School of the Art Institute of Chicago for writing right before the United States fully transformed into a bad 1950s sitcom. You can occasionally spot her in public telling edgy puns, reading poetry/essays out loud, pretending to do stand up comedy, and pouring out the remaining crumbs of her soul to complete strangers.