How To Tell Your Friend Her Boyfriend Is Wrong For Her And Right For You


So you’ve found yourself scamming on your friend’s man. Well, that certainly won’t do! If you feel like you’re vibing with him more than his serious girlfriend of three years, here’s how you can–and should–give it to her straight.

  • Sit your friend down at her favorite restaurant or coffeeshop, preferably the one where she went with her boyfriend on their first date.
  • Point out to your friend that she and her boyfriend have been fighting–a lot. But, also, you’ve sort of noticed, just coincidentally, that when the two of you hang out one-on-one, which you almost never do, haha, except this one time, you actually get along really well. Isn’t that so weird?
  • Explain to her that it’s natural for couples to grow apart. Sometimes relationships run their course and that’s why you have to be honest with your friend, to help her recognize when she’s in a rut so she can adjust her behavior accordingly. And you’re just such a good friend that even if no one else thinks they’re not right for each other, you can see the truth.
  • Mention that you totally knew her boyfriend before she did and you even briefly mentioned you thought he was cute before they started dating. Say this in a really low voice so that she doesn’t call you out in the moment, but if she brings it up later, tell her you “totally already told her all of this” so she can’t be mad.
  • Remind your friend that even though breakups are hard, ultimately, she and her boyfriend have said they want different things. And you know all of this because you and her boyfriend have had long, intimate conversations about your hopes and dreams and it’s so crazy but as it turns out you both want three kids (two girls and a boy) and a Doberman-Rottweiler mix, whereas she has claimed to want only two girls and a black Lab, so it would never work out anyway.
  • And of course, it’s vital you set realistic expectations. Tell your friend, in no uncertain terms, that in all likelihood, her boyfriend will start dating again soon after their breakup, like, his new girlfriend is in the car outside the coffee shop, waiting for it to officially be over so she can give him the shoulder he needs to cry on. And if that person so happens to be you… and you’re not saying it will be… but if it is, would that be the worst thing?
  • Feign confusion when your friend throws her coffee at your face. Also, duck.

Lana Schwartz is a writer living in New York City. She is a good friend.

Image by alveezybueno.