Team USA Wins World Cup Without A Single Penis


VANCOUVER, B.C. — With a 5-2 victory over Japan, the U.S. women’s soccer team won the FIFA World Cup title yesterday despite the fact that not  a single team member has a penis.

“We’re very proud of this team,” said head coach Jill Ellis of the 23 women who were able to reach the championship game even without the use of a penis or a pair of testicles.

Sources confirmed that this is Team USA’s third World Cup title, setting a new record for people playing sports without the benefit of a penis. Reportedly, the prior two championship teams also consisted entirely of women with vaginas and not penises.

“It is a remarkable accomplishment [especially because they won without the assistance of a penis dangling between their legs],” added the penisless coach Ellis.

In related news, Serena Williams, who analysts suspect is playing with no penis whatsoever, came another step closer to winning a sixth Wimbledon title.

Tommy Molzahn‘s penis got a participation ribbon. 

image by Planet Futbol