Tall Mathematician Delighted To Talk About Basketball


CHICAGO — Local biostatistician Greg Postulate who regularly ducks chandeliers at 6’7″, reports consistent delight at the daily conversations people start about his height, and more specifically, his interest in basketball.

“I get pretty delighted when people realize I’m tall and that basketball hoops are also tall,” Postulate, 39, said. “I’m thankful that we as humans bear an innate urge to state obvious things all the time, which enables me to indulge my love of NBA statistics.”

“I mean, complete strangers will come up to me and assume I know a lot about basketball, ” said Postulate. “And they’re always right. I do know a lot about basketball.”

Postulate is specifically versed in advanced basketball statistics and the discipline of APBRmetrics, a field pioneered by basketball analyst and executive John Hollinger. Many times, when an inquisitive child asks if he can dunk, Postulate will instead rattle off the current leaders in eFG%, USG% and TOV%.

“Lebron James’ eFG%, or effective field goal percentage, meaning his field goals made versus his field goals attempted, adjusted for three point attempts, is .618 and one of the highest in the league statistically,” said Postulate. “Not as high as a pure shooter like Kyle Korver but significantly higher than Kevin Durant’s.”

“But Durant has a higher PER value, 30.7 to 29.4,” Postulate continued. PER is a calculated Player Efficiency Rating, which takes into account offensive stats, rebounding, and blocks and steals percentage then averages that over minutes played and, sigh, it’s all very confusing.

Besides being asked if he plays basketball, Postulate confirmed he does love when strangers urge him to “just try it out, you never know, you might make a great power forward.”

“The average doorway is athletically strenuous enough for me at this point,” Postulate joked, setting his beer can on top of a neighbor’s small house. “It could be worse though. I could be a short mathematician. That was probably a real fun combination in high school.”

Bronwyn Isaac thinks The Golden Ratio would make a great name for an all-night diner.

Image by superscholar.

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Bronwyn Ariel Isaac is a retired bridge troll who currently resides in laundromats all over Chicago (primarily Pilsen/Little Village). She attended The School of the Art Institute of Chicago for writing right before the United States fully transformed into a bad 1950s sitcom. You can occasionally spot her in public telling edgy puns, reading poetry/essays out loud, pretending to do stand up comedy, and pouring out the remaining crumbs of her soul to complete strangers.