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Jay Cutler Finally Completes Court-Appointed Stint As Pro Football Player

CHICAGO -- An overjoyed Jay Cutler was released from the Chicago Bears this week, having finally completed his court-appointed 11-year sentence of playing football...

Bracket Fucked

STERLING, Va. -- Although not even a full hour into this year's NCAA college basketball tournament sources reported that a local bracket is already fucked. "Yep, it's...

NFL Player Gets Two-Week Leave For Good Behavior

BALTIMORE -- Ravens running back Ray Rice has received two weeks off at the beginning of the National Football League season due to good...

Bulls Move Derrick Rose’s Locker To Local Hospital

CHICAGO -- Following the news that Chicago Bulls star Derrick Rose has a medial meniscus tear in his right knee after being previously sidelined...

Detroit Lions Sign Pack Of Roving Dogs To Practice Squad

DETROIT — The Detroit Lions have signed one of the packs of wild dogs that’s been seen roving the city’s abandoned streets to provide...

Justin Bieber Obliterated In First UFC Fight

LAS VEGAS — Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was an unmitigated failure in his first foray into mixed martial arts last night, losing his...

Spurs Preparing for Game 8

MIAMI, Fla. – After their 94 to 88 loss to the Miami Heat on Thursday night putting them down three games to four in...

Kidd Named Nets’ Drinking Coach

BROOKLYN -- Newly retired NBA point guard Jason Kidd is moving on with his professional career and has accepted the roll of Drinking Coach...

4 Week-Old Fetus’ Fingerprints Linked to Murder, Pro-Lifers Demanding Death Penalty

Salt Lake City — Detectives working a murder, which was previously categorized as a cold case, caught a break Tuesday, when fingerprints surrounding the...

Alex Rodriguez To Be Uncomfortable on Yankees’ Bench For 4-To-6 Months...

The New York Yankees’ announced Monday that Alex Rodriguez will have a surgery on his left hip that will leave the third baseman uncomfortable on...
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