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I Cut Sugar For Two Weeks But Forgot To Replace It...

By Lakynn Roth I always thought of myself as the “healthy type.” I drink in moderation, don’t smoke, and exercise three times a week. But...

Terrible Movie Faithful To Terrible Comic Books, Which Makes It OK

LOS ANGELES -- Multiple reports from trusted nerd sources reported yesterday that critically-panned comic book movie Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is actually...

3 Easy Recipes That’ll End Up Costing $40 And Taking All...

In the mood for some home-cooked meals? Check out these three dishes that are tasty, expensive and will take all goddamn night to make. Hearty...

The Real Problem With Stacey Dash Is I Thought She Was...

In today’s racially fraught world, Stacey Dash’s recent call to eliminate Black History Month and the BET Network seems designed to strike a nerve....

Guns Don’t Kill People—Whoa, Sorry, I Totally Misunderstood What ‘Guns’ Were

In the wake of yet another massacre, this time in San Bernardino, California, it’s important not to jump to conclusions or rush to politicize...

Top Thanksgiving Oozes

It’s Thanksgiving, the only holiday that puts food first! We all remember those iconic oozes from our childhood Thanksgivings, and as we’ve aged, our...

6 Signs You’re Veteran Character Actor Brian Dennehy Trapped In An...

We’ve all been there! We gathered the top six signs you’re definitely star of stage and screen Brian Dennehy trapped in a dark, dusty...

Debra’s Thing Starts At Fucking 9

CHICAGO — Debra’s performance thing starts at goddamn 9 p.m. on a goddamn Wednesday, sources are fucking gobsmacked to report. Attending Debra’s dumb thing has been a source...

Study: Ford Wants You To Buy Their Trucks

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new study released by the Brookings Institute revealed that the Ford Motor Company, an American automaker headquartered in Michigan, would...

Nation’s Office Workers Take 6-Minute Vacation To Bathroom

WASHINGTON, DC—A Gallup poll showed that the nation’s office workers took a 6-minute vacation to the bathroom today. “I decided that I needed to...
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