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3 Easy Recipes That’ll End Up Costing $40 And Taking All...

In the mood for some home-cooked meals? Check out these three dishes that are tasty, expensive and will take all goddamn night to make. Hearty...

Guns Don’t Kill People—Whoa, Sorry, I Totally Misunderstood What ‘Guns’ Were

In the wake of yet another massacre, this time in San Bernardino, California, it’s important not to jump to conclusions or rush to politicize...

10 Signs You’re Dating A Hat

Hats. We've all fallen for at least one. I know I have. If you haven't, do me a favor and rethink your dating history. But what...

GOP Worried They Are Losing Touch With Out Of Touch Constituents

WASHINGTON -- Addressing the concerns recently raised by several GOP think tanks, outgoing House Majority Leader Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) said in a press...

Man In Wheelchair Really Loves America For Some Fucking Reason

AMERICA – A man in a wheelchair sitting at the corner of Main Street and Oak had two American flags attached to the back...

NRA Spokesman Claims Insufficient Evidence That ‘Mysterious Wound In Man’s Head’...

FORT WORTH, TX - The NRA sponsored its first NASCAR race Saturday at the Texas Motor Speedway, during which a man apparently shot himself...

With No Pope In Place, Cardinals Reported To Be ‘Partying Pretty...

VATICAN CITY – At 8 a.m. on Saturday morning the Belvedere Courtyard is littered with empty red plastic cups and crushed cans of Natural Light,  “SULUM...

Local Dad Makes Fondue/Fun-due Joke

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - During an enjoyable family dinner at The Melting Pot, local dad Brett Shew made a fondue/fun-due joke much to the delight...

Nation’s Homophobes & Homosexuals Agree: ‘Modern Family’ the Worst Thing On...

BURBANK, CA – Representatives of both the homosexual and anti-homosexual communities, lobbies which haven’t traditionally seen eye to eye, have put their longstanding rivalry aside and...

Siri not Available on All Payphones, Homeless Man Pees

Denver, CO — A homeless man could be observed screaming various commands into a payphone yesterday. The commands were all aimed at Siri, the...
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