Study: Rounding Up May Increase Your Sperm Count

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ATLANTA — In welcome news for American males, a survey from Men’s Health magazine found that “rounding up” could significantly increase a man’s sperm count.

“Exercise and proper nutrition certainly help,” said Mei Osis, the study’s lead author. “But old-fashioned exaggeration is the fastest way to enhance perceived fertility.”

The survey noted that American sperm have been under attack over last decade, as laptop computers, long bicycle rides, and nuclear accidents have all taken a toll on male fertility.

“If the current trend holds, we’ll be out of sperm by 2050,” said Osis. “But the ladies don’t have to know that, you know?”

The study also discovered that rounding up can increase the size of a man’s penis or bank account, and that rounding down may reduce a man’s weight.

“The survey found that most men are already practicing the art of rounding up or down, as needed,” said Crouch. “We want to make sure every man is aware of this powerful tool.”

The editors of Men’s Health also noted that men who purchase Men’s Health tend to be healthier men, though they did not provide additional data.

John Clark carries a calculator on every date, just in case.

Image via animal-kid.