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Sports News

Sports News

March 17, 2017

As Someone Who Just Gets Extremely Steamed Every March, ‘March Madness’ Is An Offensive Term

By guest blogger Tim Thompson I understand the appeal of the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. It’s a great showcase of athletic skill, and comparing brackets with […]
March 15, 2017

March Madness Preview: Which School’s Indentured Servants Are The Mightiest?

Wondering how to fill out your NCAA tournament bracket? Here are The Whiskey Journal’s picks for the mighty teams of unpaid laborers who will represent their regions at […]
March 10, 2017

Jay Cutler Finally Completes Court-Appointed Stint As Pro Football Player

CHICAGO — An overjoyed Jay Cutler was released from the Chicago Bears this week, having finally completed his court-appointed 11-year sentence of playing football at the […]
February 22, 2017

Trump Bests Kim Jong-Un’s Legendary Golf Game, Scoring 28 With 7 Holes-In-One

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Brilliant star leader Doctor President Donald Trump has again displayed to us his heavenly glory by besting his North Korean counterpart’s legendary […]
February 6, 2017

Patriots, Falcons Have Final Coin Toss To See Who Has To Go To White House

HOUSTON, Texas — Following the first overtime game in NFL Super Bowl history, players from the New England Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons met in the Red […]
January 23, 2017

Packers, Steelers Punch Tickets To Alternative Facts Super Bowl

SAN FRANCISCO — The 2017 Alternative Facts Super Bowl will feature two of the NFL’s most storied franchises as the Green Bay Packers prepare to battle […]
November 2, 2016

The Whiskey Journal’s Guide To Not Totally Fucking Jinxing The Cubs Today

This is big. The Chicago Cubs are playing in Game 7 of the World Series. They haven’t won it since 1908. Nearly two generations of Cubs fans have […]
August 19, 2016

Olympians Eager To Compete So They Can Get Back To Fucking

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL — As Rio’s 2016 Olympic competition nears its final day, many events have yet to come to a close and therefore are […]