WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just two weeks into his presidency, Donald Trump has already purchased crayons and construction paper and is hard at work scribbling his memoir, sources report.
Presidents usually wait until the end of their terms to draft memoirs, but Trump’s unorthodox style–as well as his inability to read or write–separates him from his predecessors.
“The President spends most afternoons furiously sketching in the Oval Office,” said an anonymous White House source. “His favorite character is Megyn Kelly, but he’s running out of red.”
Trump also spends a considerable amount of time drawing pictures of his daughter, Ivanka, legendary basketball coach Bobby Knight, and a character Trump calls “Vladi the Big, Bald Baddy.”
Some White House officials worry that the president should be engaged in more productive tasks, like scribbling his trademark “x” on Executive Orders, or yelling at the television. But other officials note that, the more time Trump spends drawing pictures, the less time he has to order misguided raids in Yemen resulting in the deaths of innocent women and children.
Despite these quarrels, sources note that one member of the White House is delighted by “little Donny’s drawings.” Chief Strategist Steve Bannon allegedly collects the pictures in his office, and pats the president’s head upon the completion of each.
John Clark fell three credits shy of minoring in political science.
Image by wikimedia.