Soul Mates Find Bodies Incompatible


CHICAGO – Two days after concluding that The Creator had forged their eternal souls from the same celestial mold, two local residents discovered that their bodies were mutually disgusting.

Sources said Chrystal Barnes and Thad Hurst met two nights ago at Lottie’s Pub, where they engaged in a marathon discussion of philosophy, culture, and social justice. The night ended with a miserable anticlimax at Hurst’s studio apartment.

“I’ve never met a man with a bigger heart,” said Barnes. “It’s probably why he breathes so heavily before, during, and after sex.”

“Her knowledge of Russian literature is incredibly expansive,” said Hurst. “Unfortunately, her body hair is just as impressive. It was like talking to, then undressing, Dostoevsky himself.”

“Not sure where we go from here,” admitted Barnes. “I think we’d be excellent over the phone. I just don’t want to be around that much sweat.”

“Maybe we’d be a better couple in the winter, when you just wear baggy sweater and aren’t forced to guess the origin of the other person’s bizarre shape,” said Hurst.

The couple agreed to exchange regular texts about neutral topics, but promised never to see each other again without the company of several friends.

John Clark believes in disgust at first sight.

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