Small Town Competently Handles Rape Case


BARSTOW, Texas – The small town of Barstow in western Texas, holding an alarmingly tiny population of 399, recently handled a rape allegation with competence and grace, according to bewildered sources.

Local police gathered evidence in a kind, professional manner, defense attorneys refused to put the victim’s character on trial, and town residents expressed genuine sympathy for the young woman.

Sources say the convicted assailant was a star player on the high school football team and the son of prominent politician. Both the team and the father, however, uniformly denounced the assault.

“Justice should always trump family connections,” said the politician father. “My son made a grave mistake, and I was happy to share damning evidence with prosecutors.”

“It’s time we tempered our town’s aggressive, patriarchal culture.” said the Barstow High football coach. “This sends a clear message to our young men that archaic gender politics have no place in Barstow.”

Out of respect for the victim, the assailant’s teammates have canceled the rest of their season, and will instead dedicate their afternoons to raising awareness of sexual assault among area youth.

John Clark is just as surprised as you.

Image by wstrachan1.