Seventeen Injured As Greg Oden’s Knee Explodes In 3rd Game Back


MIAMI, Fla. — After playing a total of only 19 minutes of NBA basketball since 2009, Miami Heat reserve center Greg Oden’s knee violently exploded Tuesday night, injuring seventeen.

In just his third game back in the league, Oden, the former number one overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft and notoriously injury-prone seven-footer, foolishly left the ground to block Boston Celtics forward Jeff Green’s shot and, upon landing, exploded his knee all over the place.

The exploding knee not only indefinitely sidelined the center but also injured 17 people nearby, sending two coaches and many courtside spectators to the hospital with abrasions, lacerations and burns. Miami Heat mascot Burnee, who was standing near the baseline mere feet from the explosion, was listed in critical condition at press time.

“His knee exploded and this stuff started flying out,” exclaimed Miami’s team physician Dr. Harlan Selesnick. “Not normal knee stuff either, weird stuff. It looked like Nickelodeon slime.”

While many reported seeing the green goo, some spectators claim they saw metallic projectiles and, in some cases, insects or spiders.

“Well that explains a whole lot, ” said Heat star Lebron James. “I mean, no wonder he has bad knees. What was that stuff?”

“It’s the wildest thing I ever seen” said Celtics center Vitor Faverani, who grew up in Brazil’s notorious favelas on the outskirts of Sao Paolo. “Never seen anything that crazy, ever,” continued Faverani, a man from the most heinous, poverty-stricken and violent area in the godforsaken continent of South America.

“I just don’t know why he wasn’t more careful,” said American Airlines Arena usher Lourdes Escorcia who witnessed to the explosion. “Those knees are weapons. If not for his sake, for his teammates and the fans with the good seats.”

Xavier Lamont is a sports reporter for The Whiskey Journal, mostly NBA stuff, and we all know why too.

Image by Robert Duyos.

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Xavier spent nearly a decade in marketing, more specifically, public speaking coast to coast for some of the country’s largest companies. At the urging of a comedian friend this Chicago based funnyman made the jump from the corporate world to making the world laugh full time! Ever since then XL has become one of Chicago best known comedians. His edgy style of storytelling has made him a crowd favorite at comedy clubs in Chicago’s amazing comedy scene and around the country. In 2014 the comedian turns actor in the film “Killing Poe”. The Dark Comedy, set for release in April, and will be Xavier’s big screen debut. However, XL can be seen on the small screen as part of Mancow’s Morning show, the WGN Morning News, and in various web series like: Clunker, My Roommate the Puppet, & The XL Comedy Show. The “Comedic Giant” is a writer for The Whiskey Journal & The Morning Would, an avid video game enthusiast, and a connoisseur of fine donuts and doughnut like pastries.