MIAMI, Fla. — After playing a total of only 19 minutes of NBA basketball since 2009, Miami Heat reserve center Greg Oden’s knee violently exploded Tuesday night, injuring seventeen.
In just his third game back in the league, Oden, the former number one overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft and notoriously injury-prone seven-footer, foolishly left the ground to block Boston Celtics forward Jeff Green’s shot and, upon landing, exploded his knee all over the place.
The exploding knee not only indefinitely sidelined the center but also injured 17 people nearby, sending two coaches and many courtside spectators to the hospital with abrasions, lacerations and burns. Miami Heat mascot Burnee, who was standing near the baseline mere feet from the explosion, was listed in critical condition at press time.
“His knee exploded and this stuff started flying out,” exclaimed Miami’s team physician Dr. Harlan Selesnick. “Not normal knee stuff either, weird stuff. It looked like Nickelodeon slime.”
While many reported seeing the green goo, some spectators claim they saw metallic projectiles and, in some cases, insects or spiders.
“Well that explains a whole lot, ” said Heat star Lebron James. “I mean, no wonder he has bad knees. What was that stuff?”
“It’s the wildest thing I ever seen” said Celtics center Vitor Faverani, who grew up in Brazil’s notorious favelas on the outskirts of Sao Paolo. “Never seen anything that crazy, ever,” continued Faverani, a man from the most heinous, poverty-stricken and violent area in the godforsaken continent of South America.
“I just don’t know why he wasn’t more careful,” said American Airlines Arena usher Lourdes Escorcia who witnessed to the explosion. “Those knees are weapons. If not for his sake, for his teammates and the fans with the good seats.”
Xavier Lamont is a sports reporter for The Whiskey Journal, mostly NBA stuff, and we all know why too.
Image by Robert Duyos.