Serena Williams Serves Baby From Birth Canal At 119 MPH | The Whiskey Journal

Serena Williams Serves Baby From Birth Canal At 119 MPH

Serena Williams Serves Baby From Birth Canal At 119 MPH

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla.—Tennis superstar Serena Williams gave birth to a baby girl today at St. Mary’s Medical Center, serving the infant from her birth canal at 119 MPH around 2:30 p.m. local time. The child is Williams’s first, and, according to Women’s Tennis Association sources, the birth broke records for fastest delivery speed ever recorded.

The seven-time Wimbledon champion completed the delivery in straight pushes, sending the newborn rocketing from its womb and directly into an awaiting hospital bassinet.

“I’ve never seen such a dominant birth,” attending delivery physician Dennis Holman said. “Having a front-row seat to that kind of velocity and accuracy was amazing; it’s why she’s the greatest.”

According to Holman, Williams strode into the delivery room, told awaiting staff she was going to give birth, and immediately served her child at a speed that made the baby nearly imperceptible to those in the room.

“She just walks in, steps up, and bam—the kid was a blur,” Holman said. “People were ‘ooh’ing, ‘ah’ing, clapping; they were going nuts,” he added.

According to hospital and tennis sources, Williams and the child are happy, healthy, and officially registered as a WTA doubles pairing.

Dan Delagrange was birthed at the measly speed of 0.001 MPH.

image by James Boyes

Dan Delagrange

Dan Delagrange

Dan Delagrange is a comedy writer and basketball nerd living in Chicago. Along with writing for The Whiskey Journal, he hosts the Below The Rim podcast, and he was a contributor at StarWipe and a writer for Scott Dikkers's book, "Trump's America: Buy This Book And Mexico Will Pay For It".
Dan Delagrange
Dan Delagrange
Dan Delagrange is a comedy writer and basketball nerd living in Chicago. Along with writing for The Whiskey Journal, he hosts the Below The Rim podcast, and he was a contributor at StarWipe and a writer for Scott Dikkers's book, "Trump's America: Buy This Book And Mexico Will Pay For It".