Seattle Waiter Doesn’t Know If Kurt Cobain Ever Ate At Restaurant


SEATTLE — According to multiple disappointed sources, Tom Grazer, a server at a popular fusion restaurant in the Belltown neighborhood, was unable to answer definitively if influential music icon Kurt Cobain had ever eaten at the establishment.

“I get that question a lot from teenage tourists,” Grazer said. “I don’t have the heart to tell them that this place is only three years old. I just say that this is an old building and I’m not really sure what was here at that time.”

“I wish he knew,” said Kenny Tera, a teenage tourist visiting Seattle with his family from the suburbs of Milwaukee. “I bet Kurt did eat here and they just don’t want to say so they don’t have too much business. Seattle’s cool like that.”

The deceased rock star’s legacy, once an inspiration to the area, has since become a nuisance to anyone in the hospitality and service industries forced to match the enthusiasm of visitors hoping to connect to their idol from their troubled teen years.

“It’s not like we wrote down everywhere he got pancakes or went to the bathroom,” Grazer said. “It was 25 to 30 ago. He probably wouldn’t even recognize Seattle now. Why don’t they just idolize living musicians and then maybe they’ll get to meet them if they win a radio contest or something?”

The Seattle area’s confined shrines to the grunge musician have not deterred restaurant patrons like Tera from expressing his appreciation.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Tera said, “but I wrote all the lyrics to ‘Lithium’ on the wall in the bathroom.”

At press time, Grazer was found explaining to Tera that he had no opinion on the suggestion that Courtney Love was involved in the late Cobain’s death.

Kevin Lobkovich doesn’t like Nirvana as much as he used to, but he gets it. 

Image by jonmelsa.