Scott Walker: ‘I’m Done Wasting Your Time’

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MADISON, Wis. — Gov. Scott Walker dropped out of Republican presidential race on Monday, citing concerns that his candidacy was “a bad joke” and a “waste of taxpayers’ time,” sources reported.

“Honestly, I can’t look at the polls and keep a straight face,” said Walker. “On the bright side, though, I did outlast Perry.”

Walker, a weak-jawed white male, was unable to distinguish himself from the 136 other weak-jawed white males in the 138-person race.

Sources said Walker saw a dramatic drop in fundraising when donors first saw him open his mouth, then suffered a more dramatic dip in his campaign coffers when he started talking.

“My only regret is that I decided to join the race,” said Walker. “Other than that, I have very few regrets.”

John Clark is all done here. 

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