MADISON, Wis. — Gov. Scott Walker dropped out of Republican presidential race on Monday, citing concerns that his candidacy was “a bad joke” and a “waste of taxpayers’ time,” sources reported.
“Honestly, I can’t look at the polls and keep a straight face,” said Walker. “On the bright side, though, I did outlast Perry.”
Walker, a weak-jawed white male, was unable to distinguish himself from the 136 other weak-jawed white males in the 138-person race.
Sources said Walker saw a dramatic drop in fundraising when donors first saw him open his mouth, then suffered a more dramatic dip in his campaign coffers when he started talking.
“My only regret is that I decided to join the race,” said Walker. “Other than that, I have very few regrets.”
John Clark is all done here.
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