CHARLESTON, Ill. — After approximately fourteen days of dirtied dishes being stacked high and sitting in a shallow bath of their own filth, one man has finally found his breaking point, sources reported.
Local man John Fitzgerald, in an act of what can only be considered pure, lionhearted bravery, pinned a handwritten note above the sink for his roommate to find later, preferably when the note’s author wouldn’t be home.
The daring message read: “Hey, if you could clean your dishes after you use them, that would be great.”
According to Fitzgerald, 23, his roommate Kevin Rumple should respond very positively to the note once he gets home from work.
“I think he’ll appreciate how straightforward I’m being, but not in a demanding way,” said Fitzgerald. “In fact, I suspect he’ll appreciate the honest and fearless feedback I’m providing to him. He probably doesn’t even realize his proactive dish-cleaning potential—I could be unlocking something really big and promising for him with this note.”
“Now that I really look at the note,” added Fitzgerald, as he threw a banana peel into an overflowing garbage bin, which by its look and scent had been neglected for some time, and could have really benefitted by being removed by the man who was currently continuing to “fill” it, “I realize this message could be really influential to a lot of people. It’s almost poetic, right? This is like the millennial version of that William Carlos Williams poem—you know, the one about those plums?”
The undeniably courageous Fitzgerald continued to not take out his garbage nor clean the mud he had tracked into his home during the course of his interview, during which he mostly expanded on the varieties of notes he could leave to inspire his roommate in the future.
“To clean up his beard hairs, to Venmo me money more timely,” Fitzgerald said.
Unfortunately the interview had to be cut short as the unflinchingly brave, conflict-solving note-leaver boldly sneaked away to his girlfriend’s house, because Rumple was right about to come home.
Tyler Snodgrass hopes his roommates don’t read this and interpret it as something aggressively passive aggressive.
Image by misspupik.