Report: 83% Of Americans Would Be Willing To Upload Brains Into Big Computer Or Whatever


CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Continuing their research into the next evolution of computer technology and the possibility of what some call the singularity, leading artificial intelligence experts at MIT released a report this week stating that 83% of Americans would be willing to upload their brains into a big computer or whatever.

“Yeah, sure. That’s sounds fine,” said Arnold Pulanski, a tollbooth worker from West Virginia and participant in the study, adding that, if scientists are capable of building a big computer or whatever that surpasses the capabilities of the human brain, he would have no qualms about transferring his consciousness into it through a giant cable or however it works. Pulanski is just one of the majority of Americans that surprised researchers when they stated their willingness to leave their physical bodies behind in exchange for the chance to live for eternity in a big microchip or whatever, if that’s even a thing you can do.

Still, a small percentage of the population remains skeptical of whether humanity’s continued existence in a digital world is even practical. “How big is the computer? Like, would I be able to move around and stuff?” asked Claudia McCarthy, a small business owner from California, who worries scientists are getting ahead of themselves when they say putting brains in the internet and whatnot could be the next phase of human evolution.

“It’d have to be a really big computer,” McCarthy added, before conceding that she would likely give it a shot anyways.

At press time, researchers were preparing to release the results of a new study that asks whether Americans would be comfortable working side by side with a humanoid robot that had a soul or whatever.

Dan Neilan is patiently awaiting the warm embrace of big computer.

Image by wikimedia.