Re-Drafting The Absolutely Loaded 1955 Vietnam War


It may have been America’s first losing war but there is no doubt that the draft for the 1955 Vietnam War was one of the most talent-rich drafts in the history of the United States military.

Many will point to the WWII draft as the gold standard for talent, and sure, it was a great draft but it was completely top heavy and lacked real depth. If you take the big three out of that war (Mel Brooks, Tony Bennett, and Jimmy Stewart) who really got drafted into WWII? Nobody, that’s who.

The Vietnam draft didn’t look like much at first but history has shown that it was loaded with blue chip talent that was selected late, and this re-draft should help put into perspective how star-studded the class of ’55 really was.

5. Oliver Stone

Not only did Stone make a killing while enlisted he has made a killing turning his war story lemons into big screen lemonade. If Vietnam would have known Oli Rocks would have been their PR arm for years to come you can bet he would have moved up on the big board.

4. James Avery

In West Philadelphia born and raised… just kidding. Uncle Phil went to ‘Nam, not his precocious nephew Will. Before becoming TV’s most lovable judge James Avery was the Viet Cong’s most feared enemy and tossed them more times than DJ Jazzy Jeff.

3. Pat Sajak

I L_VE THE SMELL _F NAPALM IN THE M_RNING. Pat would like to buy a vowel.

2. Jimmy Stewart

Ol’ blood thirsty himself didn’t see enough action in WWII and decided to get an encore and take is talents to Southeast Asia. Remember every time you smoke Charlie out of his foxhole and angel gets his wings.

1. Lights Camera Jackson

Was he old enough to fight in Vietnam? No. So why is he number one in this re-draft? I got one word for you: Snatched. Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn finally teamed up for some big screen laughs and this little turd gave it a D+. He can go fight in a foreign war for all I care. I get that he didn’t like Trainwreck, it has some adult themes and he is a dickless little kid, but Snatched is a mother-daughter story that is fun for the whole country and Amy Schumer is a brave, comedy treasure, very brave. Brave.

Dan Drees is hoping to be picked high in the 2018 North Korean war.

Images by wikimedia.