Pros And Even Better Pros Of The American Health Care Act

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Speaker Paul Ryan and the House Republicans unveiled a new healthcare bill this week aimed at replacing Obamacare and at first glance it’s pretty awesome, but upon further reviewed many experts pointed out that it was even more great than originally thought.

Here are some highlights of the promising bill that both healthy conservatives and insurance company executives unanimously support:

 

No obvious links to Russian corruption

 Allows Republicans to pretend they changed a bunch of stuff before the 2018 midterms

Keeps coverage for prexisting conditions but ends coverage for all new conditions

 Paul Ryan will finally be able to get that slight clicking in his rotator cuff when he does his inverted plyometric chair dips looked at

Removes the individual mandate paid to the government but requires exact same amount to be Venmo’d directly to Blue Cross Blue Shield CEO Scott Serota

 Lower overall costs due to massive increase in people dying of things like ringworm

Fewer hard words to read in it

Emergency rooms will now double as deportation facilities

Ensures that the world’s oldest teenager Jason Chaffetz will be on TV a lot more

Increases prices of vaccines so only parents who really want their children to be autistic will purchase them

Will not cure your flat feet so you can avoid Vietnam service

Such a good plan you won’t even realize when you’re dying

 

Image by wikimedia.