Professional Gamer Suffers Career-Ending Maturity


SAN JOSE, Calif. — eSports fans across the nation are reeling following a recent report that veteran gamer Pete Linsen will no longer be able to compete after suffering a severe rise in acumen and general wisdom.

“Firstly I want to thank my fans, friends and sponsors for their support throughout the years,” Linsen said during a press conference Tuesday morning. “The truth is, for an athlete at my age this sort of thing is always a risk and I have to do what is right for me and my family.”

Linsen, 28, who has been playing video games competitively since he was a child and professionally for the last seven years was completely blindsided by the diagnosis given to him by his doctors early this week.

“This came out of nowhere,” Linsen continued. “I was at practice headed into my 12th straight hour of League of Legends when I began to wonder about 401ks, HMOs and if there weren’t better ways I could be spending my time. It was then that I knew something was seriously wrong.”

Following a number of tests, doctors discovered that Linsen had dangerously high levels of both insight and sophistication leaving them with no other option than to make the recommendation that he retire.

“I’ve worked in sports medicine for years and seen a lot of terrible things but this is easily one of the worst,” said Dr. Jack Moore, Linsen’s personal trainer and physician. “You never want to tell an athlete in their prime that they have to hang it up.”

In spite of the grim diagnosis, Linsen remains positive about what his future holds.

“Sure I’m upset, but as with any tragedy you have to find the silver lining,” Linsen said. “I now have the opportunity to help prevent this from happening to anyone else. Maturity is real and I hope sharing my experience publicly will facilitate a dialogue for those athletes most at risk.”

Josh Ballew is looking forward to the 30 for 30 on Linsen’s rise, fall and transition to law school.

Image by Flickr.