The Whiskey Journal

Cletus Jenkins, a self-described “libertarian through and through” has long harbored a deep suspicion of climate change, which he used to call “socialist weather voodoo.”

But a recent mishap with his fourth wife’s snow globe convinced the 71-year-old retired pawn shop owner that the vast majority of climate scientists “might be on to something.”

Sources say Jenkins was dusting the top shelf of a bookcase when he accidentally struck the snow globe, sending it flying to the floor, where it struck an autobiography of Ronald Reagan. 

“As soon as I saw the damned thing fall,” said Jenkins, “I figured Reagan would just save the globe again, like he did all those times in the 60’s.”

“But, nope, the damned thing busted a leak, and the snow just started falling out. And I thought maybe that’s sort of what’s happening with the Arctic.”

After the incident, the Kansas native wrote his congressman a letter, in which Jenkins suggested that “we oughta just plug up the poles and see if that don’t help the snow loss problem.”

In lieu of “plugging up the poles,” Jenkins also recommended “wrapping some of that bubble wrap around the ecuatar (sic)” and “keeping the damned globe off the top shelf.”

Jenkins also told sources that the Reagan autobiography’s failure to save the snow globe forced him to reconsider his position on the dead president. 

“Hell, maybe Carter weren’t so bad” said Jenkins. “And Carter’s books is probably covered in peach fuzz, so maybe the snow globe would’ve survived then.”

Written by: John Clark