Pluto Relegated To Lesser Character Status

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ORLANDO, Fla. — A spokesperson for The EPCOT Center announced Wednesday that they have determined Pluto to not have enough qualities to officially be named a main character. Instead, Pluto has been relegated from the Magic Kingdom to the Fantasyland Kingdom.

The Magic Kingdom, now with only eight members, consists of Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Cinderella, Snow White, Donald Duck, Goofy, Peter Pan and Pinocchio. The Fantasyland Kingdom, a much broader group of characters, consists of characters such as the Seven Dwarves, Bolt, The Mad Hatter and twin chipmunks, Chip and Dale.

“For so long, we just took for granted that [Pluto] was a main character because of his association with Mickey Mouse. But, after a closer inspection, which we had always thought unnecessary, we noticed that he was just a shitty dog that didn’t really bring anything to the table at all. At least Goofy talks,” said Daniel Stolen, spokesperson for EPCOT.

Ross Kelly did more research for this article than he would like to admit.

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