Philip Seymour Hoffman First Celebrity To Be Respectfully Mourned


NEW YORK CITY — Following news of his death on Sunday, famed character actor Philip Seymour Hoffman became the first celebrity in history whose passing has been respectfully mourned.

Sources said commentators, including those on the internet, have shown a remarkable sense of restraint. Not a single disrespectful or insensitive word has been directed at the 46-year-old actor, who died of an apparent drug overdose sometime Saturday evening or Sunday morning.

“Normally I try to fire off like four or five tweets when a celebrity dies,” said Mark DiFranzen, a snarky blogger and active social media user from Brooklyn. “I just like Philip Seymour Hoffman so much, all I could manage to tweet was ‘RIP PSH.'”

The tragic loss of such an immense talent, established as one of the greatest actors of his generation and with untapped potential as a director, has been treated with dignity and a pervasive, unironic sense of mourning by all who have made comment.

“I loved literally every movie he was in. This just sucks,” tweeted Twitter user LordTwatFart. “I’ve got a boatload of heroin overdose jokes, but I guess I’ll have to save them for Bieber.”

Cole Moser is hoping this is all just some deep, deep method acting technique.

Image by Justin Hoch.