Peyton Manning Gently Led Behind Barn


DENVER, Colo. – The owner of Denver Broncos Ranch calmly guided legendary thoroughbred Peyton Manning to the back of the barn this morning, sources reported.

Witnesses said the morning started like any other for Manning, as the veteran quarterback limped around his paddock, nibbled on a patch of Bermuda grass, and made frequent calls to national media outlets.

“All of a sudden, the owner started sweet talkin’ Peyton about how great his audibles always was,” said the farm foreman, Skeeter Stone. “Ol’ Peyton was real calm-like, and walked on back behind the barn without a fuss.”

Stone said he and other farm workers then heard a brief commotion, a recitation of a commercial jingle for a national insurance company, a loud bang, and a muted thud.

Meanwhile, John Elway, the General Manager of Broncos Ranch, was in another part of the farm, taking notes on the other, younger horses the Broncos hope will soon fill Peyton’s role.

“Peyton was–is–a tremendous asset to Broncos Ranch,” said Elway, rustling the hair of NFL reporter Peter King, whose mother had driven him to the scene. “He’s just gone to where old horses go when they need a little extra rest.”

John Clark hopes Peyton is in the same place as Shannon Sharpe.

Image by James Webb