FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — Following the news that star tight end Rob Gronkowski would be out for the season with a torn ACL, the NFL’s New England Patriots held a press conference announcing their plans to formally request that the league eliminate the tight end position, according to sources.
“Really, other than Ditka and a couple of other dudes, what has the position ever added to the game?” scoffed Patriots coach Bill Belichick.
When team owner Robert Kraft was pressed to answer if the petition had anything to do with the their recent trouble with two star tight ends, murderer and former Patriot Aaron Hernandez and the notoriously glass-boned Gronkowski, Kraft replied “Nah, not at all!”
“Huh?” Kraft continued. “Well, no, why would you-I mean-nope!”
NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell could not be reached for comment however his receptionist did respond to reporters.
“Well they are the Patriots,” she said. “We did move the Super Bowl to New York so they wouldn’t have to travel that far, so anything is possible.”
Xavier Lamont is a bitter Chicago Bears fan who loves seeing Patriots fans in pain.