Patio Diner In Hot Pursuit Of Wind-Seized Napkin


KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Patron Kimberly Fontenot is hot on the trail of a napkin which was wrested from her lap by a gust of wind while on the patio of Walker’s Restaurant, reports confirmed.

“Mother Nature is a fickle mistress,” heaved the pursuant lady as she struggled to weave through the narrow lanes of patio furniture. “One minute she’s gracing you with warmth and clear skies and the very next she takes everything from you.”

The meandering chase caught the attention of the entire outdoor seating area as Fontenot clumsily maneuvered after the captive serviette.

“The delicate cloth was dutifully protecting my jeans before it was violently swept away by the elements,” added Fontenot, foolishly pausing long enough to let the breeze carry the napkin even further.

Fontenot’s fellow diners looked on in horror as the paper mouth rag continued to flail helplessly between chairs and under tables, turning the formerly inviting patio into an unforgiving labyrinth of iron lattice and potted plants.

Employees at Walker’s Restaurant pledged their support when they realized that the situation had escalated.

“The waitstaff has deployed a dining cart and several artificial plants as roadblocks,” said shift manager Tony Fryer. “I promise we’re doing everything in our power to end this crisis.”

Onlooking customers showed their support by uneasily shifting their seats and abruptly sidestepping out of the way of the panicking woman. Other patrons were less sympathetic to her plight.

“She stepped on my dog’s foot and knocked over our spinach dip,” said one disgruntled guest. “Seriously? There is more than one napkin in this world.”

At press time, the napkin was not yet recovered and Fontenot has urged those in the area to be on the lookout for a 6×8 white napkin with a Dijon stain in the upper right hand corner.

Patrick Reilly doesn’t need napkins when he has his pants. 

Image from flickr