Out-Of-Office Message Really Rubbing It In

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BUFFALO, N.Y. — On Monday, multiple employees at Barclay Damon LLP received an out-of-office message from client relations specialist Elizabeth Wulf, 31, which openly expressed delight about her absence from the firm.

Wulf’s gleeful description of the activities she would enjoy while away was met by her coworkers with sighs, eye rolls, and snarky comments.

“We get it, Beth: You’re headed to Aruba, and we’re all stuck here in Buffalo waiting for Daylight Savings to plunge us into afternoon darkness,” said AV specialist Frank Pitkowski. “But hey, next Sunday I’ll be freezing my ass off in section 330 of Ralph Wilson watching the Bills get stomped by the Patriots, so who’s the real winner?”

By noon Wulf’s message had become the subject of a rapidly expanding email chain.

“Jesus, a 14-day cruise on Silversea? That guy must be even more loaded than I thought,” wrote paralegal Frieda Rodriguez, referring to Wulf’s boyfriend, radiologist Garrett Chase.

“Yeah, and I’m sure he’s as anxious to see the results of her ‘week-long search for the perfect bikini’ as we all are,” replied receptionist Angela Kim. “Because nothing brightens my November like someone else’s vacation photos.”

Human resources coordinator Todd Festen eventually addressed the situation in an email to all Buffalo employees reminding them that an out-of-office message should simply state one’s return date, and should not be considered an opportunity to speculate about a potential marriage proposal.

At press time, Wulf was floating blissfully toward a school of brilliantly colored tropical fish. 

Eric Stassen recently concluded a week-long search for the perfect Speedo. 

Image by wikimedia.