Ophthalmologists Recommend Rubbing Eye Until Thing In There Just Sort Of Goes Away

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SAN FRANCISCO — The American Academy of Ophthalmology released a public-health statement today advising anyone with something in their eye to just rub it until whatever’s in there just sort of goes away.

“While it might not seem like a big deal, lots of people get stuff in their eyes every day,” the statement read, highlighting the large number of Americans affected by the condition. “This is why it is vitally important to rub your eye until the thing stuck in there is gone, or at least can’t be felt anymore or whatever.”

The condition—labeled officially by the Academy as having some stuff in your eye—has a virtually endless array of causes, according to the Academy. “Dust, crumbs, dirt, maybe some really small hairs or something, it could be anything, we guess,” the statement read. “So, yeah, you’re gonna wanna always be ready to just kinda ball up your fist and pivot it against your closed eyelid until whatever’s in there goes away,” it continued.

The Academy’s statement went on to list alternative treatments should the primary method—“just rubbing your eye really hard until it feels normal again”—prove unsuccessful. “We dunno; wash it? That might work, washing it out. But don’t do that until rubbing your eye doesn’t work,” it read.

“And whatever you do, make sure you don’t get more stuff in there when you’re trying to get rid of the first thing,” the statement added, warning those experiencing this type of eye discomfort not to compound their condition.

The statement closed by advising those experiencing the condition as to when they should see a doctor. “If you rub your eye or wash it or whatever and the thing in there doesn’t just go away into your head or fall out of your eye, then go to a doctor,” it read.

Dan Delagrange has some stuff in his eye and it won’t go away.

Image by PFrankoZeitz.