One Half Of Open Relationship Going Really Well


ST. LOUIS, Mo. — One half of a newly-actualized polyamorous relationship in the Gateway City is flourishing, reported the male neighbors of Martín and Rebecca Rocca.

The couple, who had been discussing the evolution of their relationship for several months, decided to officially allow each others’ needs and wants to be satisfied outside of their marriage early last week.

“Rebecca has really hit the ground running, I’ve heard,” reported next-door neighbor Thomas Brauner.

Martín says he is finally able to finish some of the projects he has not had time to get to, and that he is happy for that.

“Mrs. Rocca is one modern, evolved woman, I’ve heard,” commented Ronald Keen who lives down the street. “Just, so modern.”

Martín said he is optimistic for the new state of the union, mentioning, “I am on Tinder, OkCupid,, AdultFriendFinder, Happn, eHarmony,, GetItOn, PlentyOfFish, Craigslist, Facebook, Grinder, ChristianMingle, JDate, AshleyMaddison,, SeniorPeopleMeet,, GreatExpectations, CougarWomen,, MeetAnInmate, DatingDepot, EquestrianSingles, LargeAndLovely, WineLoversMeet, AnimalPeople, CountrySingles, AreYouAlone, DiaperMates, GlutenFreeSingles, FurryMate, SandwichLikers, ScissorMates, BeMyCopilot, FoodieLove, VerticalSexMatch, [for archery enthusiasts], FarmersOnly, PlankingMatch, SelfiePartners, MassochissMe, BombShelterMate, StuntManLove, FakeBloodPassion, AmishDating,, DateAnOlympian, BrotherHusbands, and AOL. So, we’ll see what happens.”

“Becky [and Martín] are so considerate for doing this, Becks especially, I’ve heard,” reported neighbor Mark Sandfield, itching underneath his wedding band. “She is so thoughtful.”

Neighborhood wives are orchestrating a tupperware and soap party for Rebecca. When reached for comment, Rebecca was very well-spoken and expressed herself openly and bravely.

Ross Kelly is a one-woman woman.

Image by flickr.

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Ross Kelly grew up in St. Louis, MO: the land of a thousand arches. It was here that he never did comedy. He would go on to Southern Illinois, where he started doing stand-up and also started not finishing college. In 2012, he moved to Chicago to pursue more comedy, as well as an opportunity to continue not going to school. He is an original member of The Whiskey Journal team, and can make a pretty amazing hollandaise sauce.