Older Brother Identifies Sibling As Queer


LYNN, Mass. — Recently grounded 14-year-old Tyler Dougherty surprised friends and family members this week by identifying his younger brother Kevin as queer, sources have reported.

The news came as a shock to the family, as many felt that Kevin was a typical 11-year-old who was interested in video games and sports, especially hockey. Although some older relatives have displayed apprehension, as Kevin is relatively young to be identified as queer, most have been receptive to the new development.

“We as a family will be very supportive of Kevin during this difficult period where he has been identified as queer by his brother Tyler,” the boys’ father Mike Dougherty said.

The family was made aware of the inner turmoil that Kevin must have been facing during a recent outing to play mini-golf, where Tyler fell shockingly far behind Kevin only three holes in. Kevin got his first hole-in-one at hole six and drew cheers from his parents. Conversely, Tyler got his ball lost in a windmill that he described as “a stupid house for babies.”

On the ninth and final hole, Tyler spotted a group of girls from his school. After unsuccessfully trying to engage them in conversation Tyler triple-bogied the hole, which featured the opening and closing mouth of a crocodile. Kevin converted another hole-in-one against the crocodile and was awarded a voucher for a free game.

After mini-golf the Doughertys went to get ice cream where Kevin received the last scoop of rocky road and, minutes later, the girls from Tyler’s school arrived to get Italian ice and remarked that Kevin was cute. Sources close to the situation believe that Tyler was not mentioned by the girls.

When Tyler’s family returned home his parents remarked that Tyler needs to keep his room cleaner, the way Kevin does. It was then that Tyler made the formal declaration that his younger brother was “wicked queer.”

Dan Drees is somebody’s younger brother.

Image by tobyotter.