Obama Drops In At Karaoke Night, Brings Down The House With Gettysburg Address

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WASHINGTON D.C. — Late last Friday, President Barack Obama stopped into local karaoke dive The Peyote Cafe in the Adams Morgan district after a long day at the home office.

He was bumped to the front of the list only after pointing to the twenty he had placed in the tip jar and reportedly telling the DJ, “That guy used to live in my house.”

“He went up to the mic and cleared his throat and, actually, he seemed a little nervous,” said Peyote Cafe owner Gary Macguire. “Everyone was like, ‘Is the President about to bomb, or kill?’ We really didn’t know.”

After just the first line, the crowd erupted. The President had to have the teleprompter restarted, due to his applause break being so
long. Although the speech is popular, one likely performed three times a night, the consensus was Obama made it his own.

“I knew Obama was a great speaker, but I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get the subtlety of the baritone, while also hitting the idea of maintaining the Union the way Lincoln managed to so well,” said bar patron Shelly Carr, who followed Obama’s speech with a sloppy but enthusiastic rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.”

When asked if he planned on attending karaoke regularly Obama was noncommittal.

“While I’d love to do a JFK speech or an ironic take on Reagan, I’ll probably focus on my own work for now,” The President said. “We’ll see in 2016.”

Ian Abramson does a mean Stephen A. Douglas cover.

Image by acclaim.

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Ian Abramson does not exist, but his lifelong dream is to do so, at least part-time. Until then, he performs whenever and wherever. His favorite place to write is here, and his favorite time to write is the Middle Ages. He's very excited to be featured here today because last night he wasn't anywhere at all and voids make him feel empty inside. Also, because he produces Double Feature at the Lincoln Lodge, which has both stand-up and short films. If you like his performance you can see him in the mirror, because he lives inside all of us. When your eye itches, that's him.