Melania Trump Denied White House Resignation Again


WASHINGTON D.C. — As news broke that the department of homeland security secretary considered resigning after being berated by President Trump, White House sources also revealed today that First Lady Melania Trump has presented ​her husband with at least seven resignation letters since Christmas.

President Trump, though, reportedly doesn’t read the letters from his wife, and appears to truly believe they’re in fact love notes.

“Look at how much my incredible, grade​-​A piece of a wife still cares about me,” said the president at a recent cabinet meeting, waiving ​Mrs. Trump’s latest written plea to resign as First Lady. “How many of you boys get hot notes like this from your wives, huh?” asked the president. “Pence, don’t even, you Quaker.”

Then the president went on to describe the letter to his cabinet as mix between a tribute to his greatness and ​”​village poetry from one of the countries she​’s​ from.”

“It’s just really something, the way they write over there,” said the president, gesturing out the window. “Really, really something.”

However, multiple sources say White House Chief of Staff, Gen. John Kelly, who is regularly tasked with “putting the latest letter with the others,” reads M​rs. Trump​’s resignation letters out loud to his staff for inspiration.

“We cry every time and are moved to persevere, like Melania,” said one source. “Gen. Kelly always tells us if she can’t leave we can’t leave either.”

However the First Lady has clearly tried to leave, and by means other than official letter.

Sources said she punched Education Secretary Betsy DeVos in the stomach at a charter school event at Mar-a-lago in January, and hoped the “Be Best” initiative would be enough of a mistake to allow ​for ​her to at least return to New York.

Regardless, the president doesn’t acknowledge Mrs. Trump’s signals or clear, articulate declarations of wanting stop being first lady.

“Once he was told point blank, ‘Mr. President, this is a resignation letter. Your wife wants to leave,’” said one source. “But then he just called Hillary Clinton a terrible person and walked away.”

​Andrew Voris writes to Mrs. Trump​ every day.

Image by whitehouse.

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Andrew Voris is a writer and stand-up comic who cries at Loretta Lynn songs. His background includes interning for the Illuminati, fish hunting, and painting paintings of George Bush painting. He’s also an ordained minister, and will perform wedding ceremonies for a small donation of $13,000.