Debate Roundup: Maybe We Just Don’t Have A Vice President This Time


FARMVILLE, Va. — The first and only Vice Presidential debate was held Tuesday night at Longwood University in Virginia, leading a lot of viewers to wonder: Hey, what if we just don’t have a VP this time?

Real-time polling during the lukewarm, 90-minute talking session revealed that Americans were in near-unanimous agreement that no one ever wants to see Tim Kaine or Mike Pence again. The event, which is required for some reason, sparked very little discussion about who won the debate or about how something so confusing could be so boring. Instead, commentators from each side took turns opening their mouths while making a sort of droning, guttural noise.

One pundit did offer the suggestion that maybe we let the Presidential candidates run without running mates and we just go without a Vice President and see how it goes.

“On the off-chance that something were to happen to either candidate while in office and one of these guys had to take over, I just think a lot of people would commit suicide during a State of the Union address,” said the unidentified pundit. “Plus, Presidents get a library after their term. How boring would that place be?! That would be like visiting a waiting room in honor of Tulsa, Oklahoma.”

Everyone in the spin room seemed to agree that just not having a VP for the next couple years would certainly be a good option.

The Clinton campaign planned to use the next few days to try to get through the rest of the debates before taking any measures regarding the proposal. Donald Trump will reportedly address the matter upon returning from his trip to Russia.

Ross Kelly really missed commercials tonight.

Image by Steve Helber/AP.

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Ross Kelly grew up in St. Louis, MO: the land of a thousand arches. It was here that he never did comedy. He would go on to Southern Illinois, where he started doing stand-up and also started not finishing college. In 2012, he moved to Chicago to pursue more comedy, as well as an opportunity to continue not going to school. He is an original member of The Whiskey Journal team, and can make a pretty amazing hollandaise sauce.