Man Only Reads 'Hustler' For Its Hardcore Pornography | The Whiskey Journal

Man Only Reads ‘Hustler’ For Its Hardcore Pornography

Man Only Reads ‘Hustler’ For Its Hardcore Pornography

DAYTON, Ohio—In an effort to justify his motives for subscribing to the magazine, 56-year-old local man Kevin Haggerty assured reporters that he reads Hustler Magazine purely for its hardcore pornography.

“Believe it or not, Hustler has a vibrant history of publishing some of the industry’s most prolific sluts,” said the self-proclaimed “smut aficionado,” promising that any preconceived notions against the magazine—be it from a friend, colleague, or nephew—are quickly extinguished after showing them a photo of an interesting anus or double penetration. “And don’t get me wrong, I skip over all that short story and political commentary nonsense they unfortunately run. I’m going to have to start cutting out all the prose so I can focus on the meat and potatoes of what Hustler’s really about. Just this morning I was trying to enjoy a riveting Sunrise Adams bukkake spread but kept getting distracted by this Anthony Bourdain interview in my periphery. That stuff grosses me out.”

When pressed to address rumors that he keeps a secret subscription of The New Yorker stashed between his bed mattresses, a visibly flustered Haggerty shooed media members away, stating that such rumors were “preposterous” and that needed to go catch up on a “groundbreaking” Hustler expose on hijabi squirters.

Chad Thurman once freak danced with Sunrise Adams at a grade school mixer.

Image by wikipedia and pexels.